What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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