My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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