Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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