I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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