Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize