i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
