so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
