I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
