I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
last night I used snow as a chaser
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
