Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
