He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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