i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
