I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
