i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
