I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
