matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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