I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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