ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
