you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
