Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
