I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
