Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
