sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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