And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize