i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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