Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
