Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We don't watch enough power rangers
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
