none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize