Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
do herpes really smell.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
