I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
