I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize