I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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