this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
