An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
