i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
