The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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