I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
