I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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