She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize