the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
