Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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