I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize