I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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