Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
