I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
