who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
