I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We need to get me chipped asap
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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