I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
