hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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