dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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