Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
