she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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