ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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