I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
where are you?
Hypothermia
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
