Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
