Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
