how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
