i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
