your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
