those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
