just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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