You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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