Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
