was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
