Non-Jews are for practice
kristin has been a bad kristin
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Never joke about your clitoris.
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