Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
