hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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