I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
