I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
