My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
