i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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