I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
