I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
