I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Shame - the story of my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
