I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
