I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
