I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
