You just made me feel so damn special
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
