I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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