If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize