I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
