The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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