Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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