i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
