is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
