how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize