Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
