lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
