Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
