Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
