Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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