Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize