Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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