sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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