He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
