so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize