he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
