Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
